If you’re in doubt about angels being real…

15 Nov

Gillian Zinser’s new surfer chick character on 90210, Ivy, is reminding me of better more simple times, when all a girl needed to do for attention while surfing was pretend to drown like the great pre-teen temptress Gidget.

Gidget was a character so great that in the 1950s -1960s four different actresses had to play her in film, sequel, and television. I miss them all.

Sandra Dee as Gidget

Sandra Dee, the original girl + midget (a Gidget) introduced the role to teens everywhere in 1959 when she adapted the character from Fredrick Kohner’s novel Gidget into the film of the same title. Sandra Dee’s Gidget was blonde and stick thin with a high-pitched squeaky voice. Gidget was grossed out by men and unwilling to grow up. Sandra Dee was a popular actress in many more films including the melodramatic classic that is Douglas Sirk’s remake of Imitation of Life (1959) and also in the Tammy and the FILL IN THE BLANK Franchise. Dee went on to marry Bobby Darrin at age 18. And in middle-age became an anorexic alcoholic.

Deborah Walley in Gidget Goes Hawaiian

The next girl to fill the baggy boyish bathing suits of Gidget was Deborah Walley. Walley played Gidge as a wide-eyed red head in Gidget Goes Hawaiian (1961). Post Gidget, Walley was in 15 major motion pictures, most of them B- movie Beach Flicks for American Pictures. Walley last worked on Television in 1999 in a bit part on Baywatch. Sadly Deborah Walley died in 2001 of cancer.

The fourth lucky girl was Cindy Carol in the non-related sequel to a sequel Gidget Goes to Rome (1963). Carol had the shortest post-Gidget career, appearing in her last film in 1965 in the Brigitte Bardot movie, Dear Brigitte (1965). She was also the least popular among fans, her Gidget rarely surfed and often tested the word of Moondoggie.

Sally Field as Gidget

The last, and in my opinion the most important woman, to play Gidget was the one and the only Sally Field in the T.V. series adaptation of the film. Field’s Gidget was vivacious and conniving. This Gidge got dates, tortured her older sister, helped her community, dated her teachers and met pop stars all while being the model of the perfect daughter to Conrad Bain look-a-alike Don Porter. Sally field, known to most of my generation as the mother from Mrs. Doubtfire (1993), has had the most successful post-Gidge career. She has starred in more than 4 T.V. shows including The Flying Nun (1967-1970) and the current ABC Drama Brothers and Sisters. She has been in more than 40 films including Forrest Gump (1994), Steel Magnolias (1989), Where the Heart Is (2000), and T.V. movie gem Sybil(1976).

Gidgets, I miss your silly resistance towards being feminine, the frequent amount of times you hire boys to be your dates, and your gift for green screen surfing.

Gidgets, I miss your face-Shassie

Do they wear underwear in the shower?

13 Nov

There is nothing I love more than introducing people to the Hollywood gems that they somehow missed while growing up. Today, it was Heathers (1989). As I basked in the artistic genius of Winona Ryder I realized that her once over exposed face has been missing from tabloids and from mainstream movies for years.

Sure, this could be because studios are still cautious about hiring a shoplifter to promote their work, but bitch please that was way back in 2001. The world was a different place and she was still young and impressionable. It’s hard to pay for things when you are used to getting them for free.

Winona has been in the public eye since her early teens in the late ‘80s with movies like Lucas (1986) and Edward Scissorhands (1990); typically playing angsty teens, wannabe nuns, and sexually deviant liars. For the best of Winona I suggest you witness her genius in Mermaids (1990) with Christina Ricci and the great Cher. In Mermaids, Ryder wants to be a nun in order to depress her mother, unfortunately she is Jewish and fighting a colossal infatuation for Michael Schoeffling, better known to girls as Jake Ryan of Sixteen Candles(1984).

Currently Ryder is planning a comeback. She is scheduled to star in Black Swan (2009) currently in pre-production. Lord knows A Scanner Darkly (2006) did nothing but bury her career even deeper into its grave.

Winona, I miss the way you read your diary entries out loud, how you constantly critique “the Man” and your use of the five finger discount.

Winona Ryder, I miss your face- Shassie

The Perfect Mother

11 Nov

Last night’s episode of the 90210 revival left original Bev. Hills fans in mourning; Jackie Taylor (the Rev. Ann Gillespie) has presumably lost her battle to cancer. Bless her soul.

I knew I loved Jackie the moment I saw her stumble out of her house to sit by her pool in a to-die-for gold high-wasted bikini complete with glittery fringe in the 7th episode of Beverly Hills 90210 titled, The Perfect Mother.

Yes, we all know that Jackie Taylor had her faults (exploiting her children to aid in her career, partying nightly, a cocaine addiction, 3 failed marriages, and at least 3 known drug relapses) but she was trained to be a model, not a role model. Besides, Kelly(Jennie Garth) and Erin(Jessica Stroup)  grew up okay. I didn’t see either of their fathers rushing to save them from the negligence of Jackie.

Jackie with Daughters Kelly Taylor and Erin Silver

There could be a brightside to the death of Ms. Taylor, a funeral could be reason enough for a reunion (David Silver anyone?). However with Jackie dead, the career of Ann Gillespie is beginning to look awfully grim. Since the end of the original series in 2000, she has only had 4 projects (bit parts in T.V. shows like Gilmore Girls and Judging Amy) and one of them was reprising her role as erratic Jackie Taylor on the new 90210.

 Jackie, I miss your brightly colored suits with large shoulder pads, your short blown back pixie hair, and your relentless dedication to drugs.

Jackie Taylor, I miss your face- Shassie

Cara Mia

9 Nov

David Krumholtz. Most of you may know him as Goldstein, the pot-smoking Jew from the Harold and Kumar franchise, or as Michael, Cameron’s best friend in 10 Things I Hate About You. To me, Krumholtz will always be known as Joel Glicker, sheet-white asthmatic lover to Wednesday from the Adams Family Values (1993).

Krumholtz has been working steadily since he began acting in 1993 with Life with Mikey. He has appeared in movies and shows like Slums of Beverly Hills (1998), Freaks and Geeks (1999), Undeclared (2001), The Santa Clause (1994), Ray (2004), Tenacious D. Pick of Destiny (2006), Superbad (2007), and the recent cinematic failure I Love You Man (2009). Since 2005, he has worked as the dashing detective mathematician Charlie on CBS’s Numb3rs.

As a primary member of the Judd Apatow gang you would think that Krumholtz’s future seems promising; but, aside from Numb3rs no upcoming projects are rumored. I am not prepared for a life without D.K..

David , I miss your childlike use of sarcastic schtick, your pale lanky body and your long curly eternally wet black locks.

David Krumholtz, I’m beginning to miss your face-Shassie

Picking Daisies

2 Nov

My Sunday nights have felt emptier for the past few months and VH1 is solely to blame. There is a void in my heart that can only be filled by the whining, drinking and horrific singing of the one and the only Daisy De La Hoya.

Daisy De La Hoya, niece of boxer Oscar De La Hoya, first appeared on VH1 trying to seduce Bret Michaels, of the hair band Poison, on Rock of Love season 2. If you didn’t know, Daisy’s heart was genuinely broken by Bret and she used the reunion to go ballistic on Heather when her feelings were doubted. Thankfully, VH1 gave Daisy the opportunity to find true love again in her own kick ass reality show spin off, Daisy of Love.

Daisy of Love gave De La Hoya the opportunity to showcase her rock ‘n’ roll talents while watching her oddly dubbed beauxs (12 Pack, Flex, Sinister, Chi Chi, Weasel and London to name a few) perform extraordinary tasks like running a Daisy mannequin across a paintball field to safety and re-writing nursery rhymes into crude rap songs.

Currently Daisy is working on her music career, which, as far as I can tell, is going to be stellar. I missed Daisy so much that this year for Halloween I decided to honor the queen of reality T.V. by dressing up in her likeness.

Me and A.L. as Daisy and Bret.

Daisy, I miss your glistening mammoth lips, your gratuitous amount of layering, and your “all around badass-ness”.

Daisy De La Hoya, I miss your face- Shassie

Fun Find

They put a spell on you and now their gone.

31 Oct

Halloween has officially arrived.  Whats my Halloween tradition? Watching Hocus Pocus(1993) on repeat until I am too sick to continue eating pumpkin oriented sweets, candy apples and Kit-Kats. Currently I am basking in the bright light that has since gone dim of the Hocus Pocus B-cast. As a result, I have decided to do a very quick where are they now?

1. Vinessa Shaw (Allison)- As the resident Babe, Vinessa was responsible for Max lighting the virgin candle. She has had perhaps the best Pocus after-life, starring in Two Lovers, 3:10 to Yuma, Melinda and Melinda, The Hills Have Eyes and T.V. mini series the ‘70s.

2. Jody Rivera (Emily Binx)- Little Emily Binx had the smallest role in the movie and now the least successful career post Pocus. She has written directed and starred in The Princess Chronicles, but other than that she has found a home in her YouTube fans. IMDB says Rivera is currently the number one most subscribed female of all time on YouTube. But I have tried to watch them and they are way to bad for that to be true.

3. Larry Bagby (ICE), You remember him as the bully with the stolen sneakers and a buzz cut of his name on the back of his head. Ice has been in various series throughout the early millennia in JAG, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and most recently The Young and the Restless. Also, he has a Band.

4. Sean Murray (Zachary Binx)- Currently starring in CBS’ Navy NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service as Timothy McGee, Murray seemed to have used Nepotism to gain his role, his stepfather is the producer.

5. Doug Jones (Billy Butcherson)-Billy looks surprisingly equally creepy in real life as he does with the pounds of decaying skin and long yellow nails, it must be his creepy long neck or baggy skin. Currently he seems to have a bunch of “extra” type status roles as non-humans in movies like Lady in the Water, Hellboy, Stuck on You, Quarantine, Pans Labyrinth, and most recently The Hobbit.

Hocus Pocus has-beens, I miss your face-Shassie

Fruit of the Tomb

29 Oct

 

As I have grown up I have begun to realize how increasingly unimportant the prescience of a mummy is during the Halloween season. When I was little, mummies were everywhere.  There were mummy tombs in my neighbor’s front yards, dogs wrapped in tissue paper, and plastic Mcnugget buddies Happy Meal toys with clip on bandages.

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Maybe the fad has died out; the last decent mummy movie was, in fact, The Mummy (1999) starring Brendan Frasier and Rachel Weisz.  It is time for us to relive the terror of the linen cloaked corpse.

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How do I propose we re-introduce ourselves to the horror? By introducing ourselves to the laughter.  The first mummy I knew and loved was Klaris, from Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy (1955). Klaris kicked it old school, he wasn’t computer animated like mummies would be today, Klaris was a real human, stuntman Eddie Parker, wrapped in real linen, with a real clue hidden inside his sarcophagus.  Klaris was so chill, after his re-death in the movie both Abbott and Costello adopt his linen.

Klaris and friends, I miss your aged strips of cloth, your hunger for revenge and your everlasting quests to find your internal organs.

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Mummies, I miss your face- Shassie

Fun Fact: In the movie Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy, the title characters are actually named Peter and Freddie, but throughout the movie they refer to each other as their real names Abbott and Costello.