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When Jordan Catalano Is Around My Whole Body Feels It.

6 Feb

If you are like me you grew up believing that  the better part of your high school career would be spent skipping class to smoke in the bathroom and making out with delicious guys in the boiler room. If you are like me this probably didn’t actually happen. And if you are like me you got all of these ideas from ABC’s early ‘90s drama My So Called Life.

In case you don’t remember, My So-Called Life (MSCL) began in 1994 and was about Angela Chase, a social outcast played by Claire Danes, and her dismal view on the high school experience.  Although the show only lasted 19 episodes its pre-grunge style, unique storytelling techniques, and groundbreaking characters (most notably Rickie Vasquez the first gay teen on primetime T.V.) have made it one of the most memorable shows in ABC history.  However for me the best part of the series was the moody and uneducated Jordan Catalano, played by Jared “ice eyes” Leto.

Every week Jordan had me hanging on his every word. And Jordan looked so good in a blue plaid shirt that I didn’t care he could only read at a third grade level. After the show ended on a relationship cliffhanger I was devastated. But luckily Jared Leto’s career did not die with the series.  I could see a trace of Catalano in every character he played. After MSCL Leto was in a zillion fantastic movies including  American Psycho (2000 ), Requiem for a Dream (2000 ), Girl Interrupted (1999),  Fight Club (1999)  , and most recently as John Lennon’s overweight slayer in Chapter 27 (2007 ).   

Currently Leto spends most of his time writing songs and using his drop dead gorgeous looks to play bass for his band 30 Seconds to Mars. Although the band is decent it is nowhere near as rad as the Frozen Embryos.   

Jordan, I miss your inability to decipher the days o f the week, the way your words slur together when you try to read, and your ever seductive locker lean.

Jordan Catalano,  I miss your face- Shassie

I’ll Never Let Go Billy

21 Feb

There is only one movie that I have seen (and paid for) in theaters more than 6 times. That movie is Titanic (1997).  Over a decade ago, in 1997, I was just a 9-year-old, third grade girl desperately in love with J.T.T. But, the first time I laid eyes on Leonardo DiCaprio in the Titanic trailer, the drool hanging off the bottom of my lip told me that J.T.T and I were over. There was a new man in my life. Leo and I have been together ever since.

With the recent release of James Cameron’s Avatar (2009) and the weekend release of Scorsese’s Shutter Island (2010) it is clear that, despite 13 years of aging,  the Titanic alumni are still very relevant to Hollywood today: Kate Winslet took home an Oscar last year for her performance in The Reader (2008).   DiCaprio has been nominated for two Academy Awards, post Titanic, and has had the starring role in stellar films like The Departed(2006 ), Blood Diamond (2007 ),  Gangs of New York (2002 ), and Catch Me if you Can (2002).   Bill Paxton stars in his own show on HBO, Big Love. And Lord knows Kathy Bates hasn’t gone anywhere. In fact, the whole cast of Titanic’s careers seem to be unsinkable, with the exception of Billy Zane.

In Titanic, Billy Zane played Rose’s aggressive and possessive boyfriend Cal. His hairless head and extremely fit body made him easy to spot among the Hollywood crowd in various award shows, but as far as the Big Screen is concerned, Billy Zane has just been blending in.

Post Titanic, the Chicago native has been playing mostly small supporting roles in a series of B-movies and Television shows, most notably as Winston Funk, Christina Applegate’s ex lover on ABC’s Samantha Who?.  Although his face has not appeared on the Big screen his voice has been flooding the airwaves of children’s movies, he was the voice of John Rolf in the Disney sequel; Pocahontas II: A Brave New World, and in  video games in SSX Tricky as Broderick ‘Brodi’ Ford and again as Ansem in Kingdom Hearts.

Currently Billy Zane has bit parts in 4 movies scheduled to be released late this year: 4Chosen, The Roommate, Enemies Among Us, and The Confidant.  I, for one, am ready for Mr. Zane to get the lead role he deserves.

Billy I miss your shimmering scalp, your ability to embody evil and your sinfully seductive left side smirk. 

Billy Zane, I miss your face- Shassie

p.s. Interesting fact: Zane first appeared on the Big screen as one of Biff’s henchmen in Back to the Future(1985).

People call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.

17 Nov

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Every good nostalgic blog mentions something about their unnatural crush on a cartoon character from MTV’s Daria.  For me, like many, I was desperately in love with Trent, apathetic musician and older brother to Jane. But Daria was more than just hot cartoon characters.

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Daria and her stud, Trent

Daria was arguably the single best cartoon character ever to grace television in the late ‘90s.  She is the reason for my scholarly apathy; Because of Daria, I skipped senior prom, developed a monotone voice and I became the girl who would literally watch the volleyball roll past me in gym class (when I even bothered getting changed), hell my haircut even resembles Daria’s. I didn’t know why I hated high school or my peers, but I knew it was in the same spirit of everything I loved while growing up.  Apathy on T.V. raised my generation.

Daria premiered on MTV in 1997. Her character was first introduced in Beavis and Butthead. In 2002 the show was canceled and doomed to live in syndication on the “N” network.

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Daria on Beavis and Butthead

I have been waiting years for Daria to be released on DVD. I once met a friend of a friend whose uncle was the producer of the show, I then begged for a copy but no dice.  It was announced a few months ago in the opening preview to The State series DVD that my wait will be worth it, Daria is scheduled to be released in fall 2010.

Daria, I miss the way you pair large black boots with skirts, the way you get joy out of “Sick Sad World” and your Mark Twain bed shirt.

Daria Morgendorffer, I miss your face- Shassie

UPDATE: Daria on DVD will be out to buy on May 11, 2010!

Still learning about the complexities of friendship…

16 Nov

Do you know what T.V. is missing? The advice and snappy dialogue of an educator and elder. Not a young hip teacher like Mr. Kotter (Welcome Back Kotter), Doug Stevens (Swingtown), or even Mr. Matthews (90210). What T.V. needs is a new Mr. Feeny.

Mr. Feeny was arguably the best part of ABC’s Boy Meets World and now he has disappeared completely. William Daniels was the man behind the grey mustache.

Daniels had a stellar pre-Boy career. He has co-starred in some of the most influential pieces of pop-culture; he was Dustin Hoffman’s father in The Graduate (1967), as John Adams in 1776 (1972) and as the voice of KITT in the original Night Rider.

Good news, Daniels is still alive and ready for a Boy Meets World Reunion. Currently he has no new projects, although a KITT GPS voice is rumored.

William, I miss your large eternally present mustache, your various neutral colored sweaters and your frank lectures.

William Daniels, I miss your face.

Do they wear underwear in the shower?

13 Nov

There is nothing I love more than introducing people to the Hollywood gems that they somehow missed while growing up. Today, it was Heathers (1989). As I basked in the artistic genius of Winona Ryder I realized that her once over exposed face has been missing from tabloids and from mainstream movies for years.

Sure, this could be because studios are still cautious about hiring a shoplifter to promote their work, but bitch please that was way back in 2001. The world was a different place and she was still young and impressionable. It’s hard to pay for things when you are used to getting them for free.

Winona has been in the public eye since her early teens in the late ‘80s with movies like Lucas (1986) and Edward Scissorhands (1990); typically playing angsty teens, wannabe nuns, and sexually deviant liars. For the best of Winona I suggest you witness her genius in Mermaids (1990) with Christina Ricci and the great Cher. In Mermaids, Ryder wants to be a nun in order to depress her mother, unfortunately she is Jewish and fighting a colossal infatuation for Michael Schoeffling, better known to girls as Jake Ryan of Sixteen Candles(1984).

Currently Ryder is planning a comeback. She is scheduled to star in Black Swan (2009) currently in pre-production. Lord knows A Scanner Darkly (2006) did nothing but bury her career even deeper into its grave.

Winona, I miss the way you read your diary entries out loud, how you constantly critique “the Man” and your use of the five finger discount.

Winona Ryder, I miss your face- Shassie

The Perfect Mother

11 Nov

Last night’s episode of the 90210 revival left original Bev. Hills fans in mourning; Jackie Taylor (the Rev. Ann Gillespie) has presumably lost her battle to cancer. Bless her soul.

I knew I loved Jackie the moment I saw her stumble out of her house to sit by her pool in a to-die-for gold high-wasted bikini complete with glittery fringe in the 7th episode of Beverly Hills 90210 titled, The Perfect Mother.

Yes, we all know that Jackie Taylor had her faults (exploiting her children to aid in her career, partying nightly, a cocaine addiction, 3 failed marriages, and at least 3 known drug relapses) but she was trained to be a model, not a role model. Besides, Kelly(Jennie Garth) and Erin(Jessica Stroup)  grew up okay. I didn’t see either of their fathers rushing to save them from the negligence of Jackie.

Jackie with Daughters Kelly Taylor and Erin Silver

There could be a brightside to the death of Ms. Taylor, a funeral could be reason enough for a reunion (David Silver anyone?). However with Jackie dead, the career of Ann Gillespie is beginning to look awfully grim. Since the end of the original series in 2000, she has only had 4 projects (bit parts in T.V. shows like Gilmore Girls and Judging Amy) and one of them was reprising her role as erratic Jackie Taylor on the new 90210.

 Jackie, I miss your brightly colored suits with large shoulder pads, your short blown back pixie hair, and your relentless dedication to drugs.

Jackie Taylor, I miss your face- Shassie

Cara Mia

9 Nov

David Krumholtz. Most of you may know him as Goldstein, the pot-smoking Jew from the Harold and Kumar franchise, or as Michael, Cameron’s best friend in 10 Things I Hate About You. To me, Krumholtz will always be known as Joel Glicker, sheet-white asthmatic lover to Wednesday from the Adams Family Values (1993).

Krumholtz has been working steadily since he began acting in 1993 with Life with Mikey. He has appeared in movies and shows like Slums of Beverly Hills (1998), Freaks and Geeks (1999), Undeclared (2001), The Santa Clause (1994), Ray (2004), Tenacious D. Pick of Destiny (2006), Superbad (2007), and the recent cinematic failure I Love You Man (2009). Since 2005, he has worked as the dashing detective mathematician Charlie on CBS’s Numb3rs.

As a primary member of the Judd Apatow gang you would think that Krumholtz’s future seems promising; but, aside from Numb3rs no upcoming projects are rumored. I am not prepared for a life without D.K..

David , I miss your childlike use of sarcastic schtick, your pale lanky body and your long curly eternally wet black locks.

David Krumholtz, I’m beginning to miss your face-Shassie