16 Oct


Another 98 minutes of my life have just been wasted due to the horrible, fat necked, invalid thespian that is Jessica Biel. As a result, I have decided to start a new segment on I Miss Your Face, entitled, F*** Your Face.Not only is Texas Chainsaw Massacre a ghastly piece of film, but 89% of its hideousness was due solely to the “acting” of Biel. “YOU STOLE HIM!!!!!!”*spirit fingers and scream*

Somehow Jessica Biel has been acting since the age of 14 when she starred in 7th Heaven. Since then, she has been working steadily; harassing her audience in such sickeningly bad films as I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, Summer Catch, Texas Chainsaw Massacre,Stealth, Elizabethtown, last summer’s Easy Virtue, and Next( a phenomenal film where Nick Cage can see 60 seconds into the future and he is somehow forced by the government to use his stellar powers to prevent a terrorist attack. Because 60 seconds is totally enough time to prevent years of terrorist planning; but that is another rant for another time).  Not even the dashing looks of J.T.T. could distract the audience from her poor acting skills in the movie I’ll be Home for Christmas.

 Biel, despite lack of talent and obvious body type flaws, has somehow become a sex symbol due to magazines like Maxim misunderstanding her manly neck and fat ass for an athletic build body.  Jessica, I hate the way you confuse raising your voice for acting, how you wear low cut jeans at least two sizes too small, and your transvestite physique.

Jessica Biel, F*** Your Face-Shassie

3 Responses to “YOU STOLE HIM!!!!”

  1. joejoe June 21, 2012 at 11:47 pm #

    OMG, somebody needs a hug. Jessica Biel has one of the hottest bodies in hollywood. I think what is revealed here is your sexual anxiety, as you seem to feel threatened by the idea that any women that don’t look like barbie might be regarded as sexy. Why not stick to your lolicon fantasies and leave Jessica Biel to the men who can handle that kind of smoking hotness.

  2. Lissie October 19, 2009 at 12:41 pm #

    Your photo selections demonstrate the 3 faces of her ugly: well done.

  3. Jesse October 17, 2009 at 12:47 pm #

    Hah. My liver was overworked filtering out the toxicity of Easy Virtue when I was forced to project it.

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